Parents of Multiples Chat Board: No Help at home with new twins

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»	Parents of Multiples Chat Board » MARRIAGE CONCERNS FOR PARENTS OF MULTIPLES-SINGLE, DIVORCED AND WIDOWED » Single Parents » No Help at home with new twins

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Topic: No Help at home with new twins

Sie
Junior Member
Member # 1024

Rate Member

posted March 19, 2004 07:36 PM

I have 6 month old identical twin boys and no matter how much I ask my husband for help with them, I get very little, if any. He seems to think that they are my responsibility and whenever they cry he brings them for me and claims that he cannot manage them. Only when we are out would he help me with them and he is always the proud father. I also have a 7 year old daughter who tries to help me as much as possible but she is only a child and I do not want to make the twins her responsibility so very rarely would I call her to help me - only if I am desperately in need of help. I am beyond fustrated but whenever I try to leave my twins with my husband so I can have a break, I always have to take them from him or he leaves them to cry themselves to sleep while he looks at TV or play computer games. Many times I feel that I would be better off without him because then I would not be expecting help but know I have to do what I have to do. Can anyone give me some words of encouragement?

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Sie

Posts: 1 | From: Maryland | Registered: Mar 2004 | IP: Logged

twobytwo
Junior Member
Member # 1029

Rate Member

posted March 24, 2004 05:47 PM

Wow, it sounds like your husband just isn't "buying in" to taking an active role with you. That stinks!! Maybe if you ask him to do specific things with the boys like "Could you please change his diaper?" or "Can you hold __ while I give __ a bath?" etc. If that doesn't work at all then is there any way you could get someone else to help you to give you a break? Any relatives close by or anyone you could get to babysit so you can have some time out? Maybe you and your daughter could have a day out together to give her some "mommy time." Is there anyway you could schedule something like that during each week? If your husband's choosing not to take an active part, at least maybe you can get some relief from being constantly "on" from somewhere else. What does he say when you tell him that you don't think he's helping enough? Did he do this with your daughter too?

Wish I could offer something better!! Hope things improve soon!!! Kudos to you!

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twobytwo

Posts: 6 | Registered: Mar 2004 | IP: Logged

valley4
Junior Member
Member # 1007

Rate Member

posted March 24, 2004 09:16 PM

Just wanted to let you know that most husbands have some trouble adjusting to babies - and they sometimes have different parenting styles. My husband can let the kids cry - does not bother him a bit. But after I have been home with the four all day long I don't want to hear them cry when he could be picking them up! Have you tried to talk with him? How does he respond in general to requests about housework, etc. Maybe you both need time out together or to try to relax together after the kids go to bed. I have to fight putting my husband in the "enemy" column some days... You are experiencing what most friends and what I can sympathize with...How was he with your older daughter?
Hope it helps to know you are in good (and tired) company.

Posts: 3 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2004 | IP: Logged

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