I'm a female identical twin in my 30's and have two young children. I'm currently getting a divorce, leaving an emotionally and (on a few occasions) physically abusive relationship, and am in counseling right now. My counselor suggested that I try to gather more information about being a twin. I was a bit confused by that, wondering how that will help me as I'm going through this divorce, and I guess I can't even really formulate an actual question here in this post. I don't even really know what to ask.
I was the younger twin, the skinny one, the quiet one. She was the pretty one, the smarter one, more outgoing. And although my parents TRIED to appear not to favor, I felt I was never quite good enough. The only thing I had going for me was that I was more of a tomboy and my Dad had wished for a boy. I felt such pain in high school when she stopped wanting to dress alike (I didn't) and when she started dating (no one would ask me out). I was somewhat rebellious in high school, arguing with my mom ALOT and definitely was the "bad one" for those years. For some reason I think my counselor sees a connection between how I compared myself to my twin and how I accepted abuse? I'm not sure.
Since my former husband did NOT like my twin sister at all, I slowly let him systematically cut off our relationship. But somehow we still remained close at heart, tho we didn't speak often. She and I even shared some "psychic" experiences, as many twins do, tho I think she never wanted to admit that was what they were. Since high school, she and I both (but mostly her) tried to be individuals, at the expense of our relationship. I guess we both have tried to pretend we weren't really twins.
I really love my twin sister and I'm proud of how much she has accomplished. And now that I'm divorcing we are much closer. She is always supportive of me and views me as her "little sister." I think I used to be jealous of her, but I really am not now. We live very far apart but talk everyday either on the phone or by email. Her son looks strikingly similar to my 2 kids, and we joke that they are actually half brothers/sister!
I guess I just need some general insight here. I'm only now reconnecting with this part of myself and would appreciate any advice to avoid making more relationship mistakes like I did with my marriage.